Making the right decision

So most of you know that Sam is adopted, and Chris and I can't have anymore biological children. Our options for having any more kids are pay $25,000+ for a private adoption or adopt from the Foster care system. Well, we were very lucky to adopt Sam from birth in CA and I have really wanted to have another son. Over the past three days we were presented with the option to take in two siblings a four year girl and an 18 month boy. I have known these kids for about 6 months because I taught their parents parenting classes for 4 months. I knew at that time that the kids would eventually be removed and of course they were one week ago. I was offered these children because of my previous relationship with them and we would eventually adopt them because their parents will never get their acts together. I haven't known what to do and have been constantly thinking and praying about these kids and yesterday I babysat them all day. At the end of the day because of certain time tables I needed to make my decision if Chris and I would take them. I decided not to because I just couldn't decide even though I had Chris' support. I keep going back and forth in my mind. I think to myself Yes, I could do it for 9 months while Chris is gone. Then I think who am I kidding these kids need a lot of therapy and medical intervention. I know Chris and I will have more children in our family but the problem with infertility is you have to search for your children and hope when you find them you will know they are the kids for you. I also start to feel guilt that I like to sleep in. I like that Sam will play I his room and let me do what I want. So having two more kids may not afford me the comfort I now enjoy.

Right now I think I made the right decision. I know there are other adoptive couples that will love these two kids. I just feel unsettled that I may have made my decision because I didn't want the, "stress," of two more kids right now. In truth having a family is never stress free. Having children is a mind numbing adventure that brings most adults to the brink of madness but I love my kids so much I can't imagine my life with out them.

There were so many, "coincidences," that led me to these kids. So many amazing roads that came together and I can't hepl but feel they were put in our path on purpose. So I hope I made the righ choice. But I still don't know if I did. What do you think?